Jan 14, 2013

12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness With the Opposite Sex

By Ollie M. Buhr


We are all shy at some times and in some places. That's natural. But when shyness and social anxiety turn into our natural state then it's high time that we did something to turn our attitude around, otherwise we're missing out on life, which isn't the best plan for our limited time on the planet.Start off in easy situations.A party full of hundreds of people isn't necessarily the best place to try to shake off your shyness. Although, that said, since most people there won't know you, it could equally be argued that it is a good training ground. So if you've got enough courage, leap in and don't worry about the consequences - partly because unless you make a complete fool of yourself, it's unlikely there will be any consequences.

Making friends and attending social functions may seem like a nightmare to a shy person. No one wants to stand in the corner alone, but a shy person may lack the ability to approach new people.You can learn how to overcome shyness and build confidence by developing new habits and social skills. Shy people may have to exert a large amount of effort in order to start a conversation or attend a party. Determination is a key factor in learning how to overcome shyness.

5 Ways To Overcome Shyness,Some of the components of shyness are lack of self-confidence and anxiety around others, difficulty carrying on a conversation, and a lack of knowledge about the expected behavior in social situations.Shy people can be very intimidated by people in general. Learning how to overcome shyness may seem like an insurmountable task, but help is available to you through several sources.

You must first determine why you are shy. There are always underlying reasons for the way a person reacts in certain situations.Next, try behaving in a confident manner in private and practice until you begin to see results in public. Walk confidently and speak firmly and soon you'll find yourself behaving the same confident way in social settings.As ridiculous as it may seem, forcing yourself to act as if you are not shy can be very helpful in learning how to overcome shyness altogether.

Reprogram your mental definition of shyness. This goes along the same lines as using daily affirmations or by reading self help books. By changing your perception of shyness instead of having a negative attachment to the word, you will then help re-create your outlook on it.Learn to take risks. How many times did you just want to go up to someone and tell them how beautiful they were, or how impressed they were. As a daily exercise do this: Each day of the week go up to a total stranger and say something nice. It could be something as innocent as complimenting a pretty girl on her hair or a guy with his shirt. Do not worry about the outcome, do not worry about what they say, just do it!

Transforming self consciousness into Self Awareness,Tell yourself that the world is not watching you. The truth is, most people are too busy looking at themselves instead of focusing on you. As if you are looking at others, draw that awareness inwards. Find the understanding of what is it that makes you shy. Look inside yourself and observe the presence of your thoughts. Truly self-awareness is the first step in improving ones life.Find what makes you strong,We all have something that we are strong at such as different qualities and the way in which we express ourselves. Locate these strengths and accept them even when they are not viewed in a traditional sense. After all, if the entire world was the same every thing would be overly boring.

Love yourself,Self appreciation is one of the best ways of overcoming shyness. Learn to love the unique expression that is you. Take some time and pen a love letter to yourself. Take some time to go out and do the things that you really enjoy. Be thankful for your health; spend some time to get to know yourself.Be none conforming,Never try to be someone else. This is extremely exhausting and no fun at all. Know that it is alright to be different. The truth is, people who are popular experience the same emotions, insecurities, self consciousness and feelings of awkwardness.Place your focus on other individuals,Instead of focusing on what makes you awkward, listen to what other have to say during social gatherings. Spend the time and learn about others. Get to know and understand what they have to say though conversation.Reduce your anxiety through controlled breathing,Fear and anxiety have a way of overwhelming you. One way to controlling these negative emotions are though becoming more assertive. You can control your anxiety by channelling it into smaller pieces and assimilating it slowly. This is done through controlled breathing. Slowly inhale and exhale as you clear the triggering thoughts.

According to professionals in social psychology, being shy means that an individual experiences apprehension or feelings of discomfort and/or awkwardness when in the same area as others, or when approached by other people. These feelings are often enhanced when in social situations, unfamiliar locations or around people who are unfamiliar. While it is common for everyone to experience shyness at least once in their life to a small degree, many individuals experience it to such a high degree that it results in social anxiety and/or phobias related to social situations, events and experiences. In its most severe forms, individuals that experience shyness may find that it interferes with their personal and professional relationships and hinders them to one degree or another. While many refer to therapy and even anti-anxiety medications to overcome shyness, simply learning to communicate better has also been found to be an effective strategy in overcoming shyness. Not only is this strategy less expensive than therapy and medication, it is also much safer.

When learning to communicate better in order to overcome shyness, it is important to understand the main root causes associated with shyness. The first potential cause is a low self-image. The second root cause is a high pre-occupation with what we are doing, thinking and feeling. The third is engaging in the act of labeling yourself as shy. When learning to communicate better, you will discover that you should not and are not expected to take full responsibility for the conversations that you engage in with others. Communication is an act of expressing thoughts, feelings, ideas and emotions with others while receiving information from that person in return, and vice versa. By simply avoiding taking full responsibility for the conversation and knowing that all the attention is not just on you, you will be taking large strides in overcoming shyness due to insecurities. Remember, the person you are communicating with is likely just as nervous as you are.

In order to communicate better, you must know what the person you are talking to is most interested in. I know this sounds challenging, but it is really quite simple - they are most interested in themselves and what they consider to be important to them. Remember to use the other person's name frequently and ask a lot of questions. Allow the other person to communicate freely and openly about what they want to express to you. Remember to listen and place the emphasis on the person that you are speaking to. By taking these steps, you are taking the pressure and focus off of yourself and inadvertently placing it on them - which should increase your self-confidence and motivation. This will make you an attractive person to talk to and interact with. Overcoming shyness does not have to be a challenging endeavor. Simply take the focus away from your negative thoughts about yourself and your insecurities and place it on the person you are talking with. It is then that you will truly start to communicate better.




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